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That trusty black cloth October 4, 2008

Posted by ladywuggles in Uncategorized.
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One of the cleverest ways to snag a Beard is by way of the old niqab. But won’t that make me look like a ghost, you say – albeit a black one? Won’t it hide my sultry lips, my cute nose, that darling little dimple in my rosy right cheek? It will, Inexperienced One. But it will also highlight your best feature: your eyes. If the eyes are the windows of the soul, then the kohl-and-niqab combination make for lovely window dressing! The trick is to dress up your eyes enough that they highlight your most important feature but do not distract away from it. After all, you want your intended to see your soul, yes?

Of course, not all Beards will be attracted to the niqab. But many are blinded by the excitement and forbidden promise of that alluring gaze peeping back at them and refuse to believe a grotesquely hideous face might accompany such seductive olive-shaped eyes. For all of their fickle foolishness, we at SABM are of the firm and unmoving belief that such Beards deserve to be subject to the greatest of feminine trickeries.

Now it is important to realize that not all niqabs are designed for this deceitful purpose. For example, the full-face cover will obviously hide those glorious come-hither eyes, and this will do you no good in your quest to snag a Beard. The most trustworthy niqab for your purposes is that which consists of plain black layers of cloth with a slit for the eyes. The beauty of this niqab is that it will narrow your face and is quite capable of hiding your fat stubby nose and the wrinkles around your eyes. And with a little whitening makeup, you can even conceal the darkness of your skin, thus providing sufficient contrast between the milky whiteness of your accidentally exposed flesh and the stunning glow of those beautiful eyes such that even a pious Beard could not help but notice, even if he simply took a single longing glance.

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Comments»

1. AnonyMouse - October 4, 2008

Now that’s just mean :p

2. dreamingofbeards - October 5, 2008

Brilliant post by Lady Wuggles, as is usual.

I wholeheartedly agree with the notion of niqab being used to attract men. What a novel idea! Perhaps Dreaming of Beards will try this method of snagging and report back on the results.

3. ilana - October 8, 2008

haha, amusing.

4. Jenna - October 25, 2008

Lol, this is perhaps the funniest blog I’ve ever read.
I check back daily for updates, so … *pokes you with long stick*

5. enigmanic - December 2, 2008

oh boy. lol

6. BintMuhamed - December 2, 2008

are you guys for real?


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