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Lowered Gaze December 16, 2008

Posted by snagabeardedmozlem in Uncategorized.
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Dear Snagabeardedmozlem,
There’s a Beard on campus that I have recently taken a liking to. We work together on the MSA, and most Hijabs think he is dreamily complicated on the inside and irresistibly scrumpilicious on the outside. The problem is that he refuses to look me in the eye. And no, it’s not like he looks at other body parts instead – if he has to speak to me, he just looks off to the side as if I don’t exist and mumbles softly into thin air! And yet he is so strong, dark and handsome that I cannot help falling desperately in love with him. Is he just shy? I don’t see him interact with other Hijabis much, so I am wondering if perhaps my relative hotness may be scaring him away? Like maybe he thinks he will lose his wudu just by looking at me or something?
I.Candy in Illinois

Dear I.Candy

Indeed, most Beards do seem to take the Quranic pronouncement to ‘lower the gaze’ a bit too literally, so much so that that there are now too many Beards out there lowering their eyes only to find that they are unwittingly ogling a woman’s bumpity parts, or — shock! horror! gasp! — the dangerously forbidden nether regions, all in their unrelenting quest to diligently avoid the deadly sorcerous gaze of Woman. Take a moment to repeat a dua of sincere thanks to your Lord that your Beard does not display such licentious (but extremely well-intentioned) behaviour. However, what are you to do with the strangeness that is your particular Beard? Particularly when his eye evasion tactics remind you of a shy seventeen year old virgin quivering on her wedding night out of fear of that big burly bear of a man climbing into bed beside her? Of course, if this were a role reversal game, some un-Hijabis might be perfectly happy to play along – if they knew the rules of the game beforehand, that is.

Unfortunately, we at SABM have seen too many cases such as this one to dismiss it outright. In the past, it was easy enough to hide behind religious justifications of profound modesty and avoidance of zina, but piety cannot quite explain your Beard’s reticence to meet a woman’s eyes. The truth, we regret to say, is that your Beard suffers from an extreme anxiety disorder which commonly afflicts those who have been severely traumatized by a Hijabi in the past – perhaps your Beard’s headscarf-bearing mother gave him a harsh beating with her slippers when, as a twelve year old, he could not stop wetting his bed each night? Sadly, you cannot help him now, as he is too broken to be of any use to you. The best advice you might offer him is that he get himself to an experienced (and, may we suggest, non-Muslim) doctor as soon as possible for cognitive behavioural therapy and perhaps a bit of medication too. But of course, given that he avoids your deadly gaze, you may have real difficulty conveying this important bit of information to him. While we at SABM do not wish to adopt a defeatist attitude when it comes to snagging Beards, we believe this particular Beard is unsuitable for marriage purposes, and it is best to simply avoid his annoyingly evasive company for the moment in the hopes that your deepest desires for him are in time abated.

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Comments»

1. Um Omar - December 18, 2008

Au contraire, play a Khadijah and ask to marry him. He will then look at you all you want.

2. Siraaj Muhammad - December 19, 2008

Actually, since we get the first glance, if we’re not tempted to a second glance, we’re probably not interested.

How do you know the second glance is coming? You don’t. But if a guy is interested, he’ll find a way to look at you (when you’re not looking, using peripheral vision, etc) to figure out if he’s interested.

If he is, he’ll propose. If not, he won’t.

Siraaj

3. Abu Ibn Hisbeardness - December 21, 2008

Well ‘I’ – would i suggest that you try on the whole ninjabi dress and interact with said beardo. (go the full monty and cover one eye as well). If you DO have him returning your one eyed gaze-I think you have a winner.

Wa’assalaam

AIH

4. Smiley Amal ! - January 28, 2009

you people are so pathetically narrow minded. what is it to you if he wants to lower his gaze? why do you have to give it a hundred and one meanings? he just wants to obey Allah . You don’t thats fine , everyone is free to choose how they want to be . If a man wants to perve and he is free to and some women don’t mind OK! but some people do and that would be me in the category.Keep your ignorant, narrow minded and disrespectful statements to yourself.

5. dreamingofbeards - January 29, 2009

My dear, kindly re-read the above post through the lens of irony and sarcasm.

6. Jawed Iqbal - February 22, 2009

well it seems like your irony and “sarcasm” has gone too far sis.

7. shirley dockerill - March 20, 2009

amal doesn’t sound very smiley … but i was after reading the post. brilliant. reminds me of many an interesting public dance in narrow corridors.

8. Omar - May 29, 2009

I have a very simple yes-or-no question. At what point did you make the decision to risk your eeman and your status as a Muslimah in the Sight of Allah 3az wa Jal by making these statements of Kufr.

“And if you were to ask them, they would say: only jesting and playing.’ Say: ‘Was it Allah, His Verses or His Messenger you were mocking? Make no mistake, verily you have disbelieved after your belief.’ ” (Surah at Tawbah)

I don’t need to go into detail about how you fall into this category as you have mocked a brother for following the deen by restraining his gaze and maintaining as minimal communication with the opposite gender as possible. This is a characteristic in a man which should be praised and emulated, not degraded and mocked. By your words I can tell that you take the rules and regulations set by Allah and His Messenger, peace and blessings be upon him, to be a plaything which is to be manipulated for the purposes of self-fullfilled evil and laughter. Some matters are not to be joked about, and I will be honest when I say I am probably the silliest dude you’ll ever meet, but when it comes to al Islam we have to watch ourselves carefully. Muhammad SAWS said that 1 kilma (word) can make the difference between someone being in the highest level of Jannah or the lowest part of Jahannum. InshaAllah this matter is more clear for you know. Salaamu 3alaykom.

-Omar

Yehdeekum Allah, wa Yuslih balakum.

Belal - July 8, 2009

@Omar I’m not trying to object to your point, but that isn’t actually a yes-or-no question.

9. Queenlatifa - July 5, 2009

I agree somewhat. Mostly bros who lower their gazes are jewels. And those who can’t are least wanted. The anxiety disorder would be when they can’t even interact with their gender. Allahu Alim.

10. AnotherLoweredGazeBeard - July 13, 2009

You sisters are downright weird. Too much obsessed with outer beauty or the person on the outside. Just cause a guy doesn’t look at you in your face mean that he doesn’t like you? No. That you don’t exist? No. Personally, I make sure that I act exactly the same way to the sister I like than to other sisters by taking the ayah literally. That until I know for certain she’s the one I want to marry.

Maybe its cause I value things other than physical beauty. Or maybe that whole lowering the gaze thing is also a litmus test. If the sister gets offended cause the brother values his love of Allah more than his love for the sister than that means she’s not right for him. A problem now could result in a bigger problem later on.

11. online stock trading advice - January 11, 2010

I usually don’t post on Blogs but ya forced me to, great info.. excellent! … I’ll add a backlink and bookmark your site.

I’m Out! :)

12. Yusuf - December 18, 2011

As a bearded man, I don’t know if I should be offended by this or find it funny ;)

13. Wilda Viau - March 12, 2012

Howdy would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m planning to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a tough time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!


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