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Endangered Beard September 17, 2008

Posted by dreamingofbeards in Uncategorized.
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We at SABM believe Beards to be an endangered species. Similar to the giant pandas of China, the tigers of India, and the elephants of Africa, Beards represent a dwindling population of males, under a real and apparent threat of extinction.

Naturally, we are sufficiently concerned about this grave situation our globe finds itself in. In addition to the slowly decreasing number of Beards, the more hairless our counterparts’ chins become, the more hair gets clogged in the sink and pollutes the oceans with floating hairballs.

Our Mission

Fear not, oh horrified ones. Our mission at SABM is the conservation of Beards! Using the best available scientific knowledge we will work to preserve the diversity and abundance of beard shape, size, and colour on Earth by:

1. Raising global awareness on the dangers of shaving, which include but are not limited to ingrown hair, a greenish tint to the skin, itching, razor cuts, and extreme ugliness.

2. Subsidizing Beards’ living expenses to reward them for maintaining their locks. This step is seen as extreme by some of our board members, but remember that Beards make our world a better-looking place, which in the majority opinion is irrevocably valuable.

3. Buying out all available razors in a region. In several days, that portion of the world will experience a hairy growth spurt, allowing them to see how brighter and easier living can be with the simplicity of beardism as a way of life. We will begin this in North America, slowly targeting areas with the baldest chins, then moving our way to South America, Europe, North and South Africa, and the Indian Subcontinent. We will not be pursuing this step in China.

Our Goal

By 2020, SABM will, God-willing, conserve 19% of one of the world’s most important natural features and significantly change the hairless perspectives of the currently deluded male population.

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Comments»

1. sophister - September 18, 2008

Nice, but good luck, by bountifully bearded brethren are de-bearding in bands and bounds.

2. srtuba - September 18, 2008

“We will begin this in North America, slowly targeting areas with the baldest chins, then moving our way to South America, Europe, North and South Africa, and the Indian Subcontinent.” World domination! Yay!

3. umtaleb - May 28, 2009

Grow a beard and you just might save the economy

Advertisers leverage link between personal appearance and social communication during economic slowdown

By Misty Harris, Canwest News Service

http://www.canada.com/business/fp/Grow+beard+just+might+save+economy/1491862/story.html


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