Solution to Asian Beardlessness December 15, 2008Posted by snagabeardedmozlem in Uncategorized.
I am of Asian origin and cannot grow a beard. Does this make me unattractive to hijabis?
Beard-challenged in Bangkok
We at SABM offer our deepest condolences that you cannot sprout a bush of your own. You are of course not to be faulted; it is as if you were born without an essential body part of some sort. Nevertheless, we are charged with the very weighty responsibility of forthrightness, and so our sensitivity to your unfortunate circumstances should not serve to hide the reality that Hijabis lust over Beards – even Hijabis with sequined headscarves and jingling jewellery and midnight blue eye shadow. You could of course seek to excel in other areas to make up for your terrible deficiency. If you were to pray in slow motion fifteen times a day rather than a paltry five, you might make the cut. In the circumstance that you are unable to be so pious – and shame on you, Beardless sir! – we would strongly recommend you consider an appendage that will aid you in your snagging. These crafty little paste-on beards really are your best bet — they look so real they are guaranteed to make every girl within the vicinity recite astaghfir allah a hundred times: