Lowered Gaze December 16, 2008Posted by snagabeardedmozlem in Uncategorized.
There’s a Beard on campus that I have recently taken a liking to. We work together on the MSA, and most Hijabs think he is dreamily complicated on the inside and irresistibly scrumpilicious on the outside. The problem is that he refuses to look me in the eye. And no, it’s not like he looks at other body parts instead – if he has to speak to me, he just looks off to the side as if I don’t exist and mumbles softly into thin air! And yet he is so strong, dark and handsome that I cannot help falling desperately in love with him. Is he just shy? I don’t see him interact with other Hijabis much, so I am wondering if perhaps my relative hotness may be scaring him away? Like maybe he thinks he will lose his wudu just by looking at me or something?
I.Candy in Illinois
Indeed, most Beards do seem to take the Quranic pronouncement to ‘lower the gaze’ a bit too literally, so much so that that there are now too many Beards out there lowering their eyes only to find that they are unwittingly ogling a woman’s bumpity parts, or — shock! horror! gasp! — the dangerously forbidden nether regions, all in their unrelenting quest to diligently avoid the deadly sorcerous gaze of Woman. Take a moment to repeat a dua of sincere thanks to your Lord that your Beard does not display such licentious (but extremely well-intentioned) behaviour. However, what are you to do with the strangeness that is your particular Beard? Particularly when his eye evasion tactics remind you of a shy seventeen year old virgin quivering on her wedding night out of fear of that big burly bear of a man climbing into bed beside her? Of course, if this were a role reversal game, some un-Hijabis might be perfectly happy to play along – if they knew the rules of the game beforehand, that is.
Unfortunately, we at SABM have seen too many cases such as this one to dismiss it outright. In the past, it was easy enough to hide behind religious justifications of profound modesty and avoidance of zina, but piety cannot quite explain your Beard’s reticence to meet a woman’s eyes. The truth, we regret to say, is that your Beard suffers from an extreme anxiety disorder which commonly afflicts those who have been severely traumatized by a Hijabi in the past – perhaps your Beard’s headscarf-bearing mother gave him a harsh beating with her slippers when, as a twelve year old, he could not stop wetting his bed each night? Sadly, you cannot help him now, as he is too broken to be of any use to you. The best advice you might offer him is that he get himself to an experienced (and, may we suggest, non-Muslim) doctor as soon as possible for cognitive behavioural therapy and perhaps a bit of medication too. But of course, given that he avoids your deadly gaze, you may have real difficulty conveying this important bit of information to him. While we at SABM do not wish to adopt a defeatist attitude when it comes to snagging Beards, we believe this particular Beard is unsuitable for marriage purposes, and it is best to simply avoid his annoyingly evasive company for the moment in the hopes that your deepest desires for him are in time abated.